WARNING! This post reveals some personal stuff not much appreciated in public blogs, so don't read if it pisses you off.
I've recently developed a sewing delirium. And just came up with understanding and therefore an explanation of why it's this way. (a bit OT - mum just said: "You're always sewing something! >_<", I know it makes her angry at times because sewing = mess.)
Some of my readers know about a painful loss that happened in my life in 2006. It wasn't a death though the feeling was even worse - a death doesn't usually involve an emotional and mental slaughtering I've experienced.
To tell in short and not to get too deep into killing memories I will only say that in spring of 2006 I had to undergo 2 eye surgeries, looked perfect enough to vomit all intestines, without makeup etc. It was hot outside and I wasn't wearing freaky clothes, what is more - in 2006 it was almost impossible to get them in Ukraine. I didn't know anything about internet shopping and even how to download music. I didn't have internet at home, stop giggling if you are! ^__~
There were older and more experienced goths who probably knew all the secrets I know now. They wandered around the city looking awesome. I used to think so.
A very close person showed them to me telling I should look like that, asked to search for more proper clothes, learn to do makeup and get more shoes adding he's already sick of the only pair of New Rock I have. *now I know that most New Rocks go with rocker/biker styles and not Antiquity Goth AT ALL!*
Remember what stroke is forbidden in boxing? As far as I remember boxers aren't allowed to hit each other
One year for recovery, and the following one was marked with graduation from school. We have a tradition of a graduation ball and of course all girls do their best to look cool and search for the best dresses they can imagine.
The dress I had was something I called ero-lolita, though modern lolita girls would eat me for saying it. LOL ))) *sweethearts I'm not tasty, I have coffee inside*
I bought it at a...fetish shop. Updated with blue ribbons and a longer petticoat I ordered from a designer separately. All accessories and the bag were made by me, and even though they're far from perfection I can call them my 1st sewing experience.
|Not the best photo, posted it just to show the bag|
|Earrings and choker by me, makeup by Tanya|
I made new hair bows for that show, but most girls have sewn their whole outfits by themselves. It seemed a mystery to me, I always considered sewing more complicated than writing in Chinese.
The next party came in February, and I thought: why can't I try sewing if my friends are doing it? Patterning still scared me to death, so the detail shapes of my 1st and the most complicated dress were made by a professional seamstress.
Granny and aunt were a bit surprised about my choosing such a complicated piece of clothing as my first one, but eventually we made it together. The last stitches were done in the morning of the party day and I headed there having slept for about 2 hours.
|Pic from that party, the clearest one of the dress. Later I changed the lacing to black.|
Now a party is strongly associated with sewing, and I cannot go anywhere if I haven't made a new dress. Ok, at least new hairclips should be made. :)
Later I understood I feel uncomfortable if I am not sewing anything at the moment. I've come up with an idea to make everyday clothes, re-making something old etc. I feel incomplete if nothing is in process.
I think it's a footprint of that situation: I'm struggling hard not to look worse than the other freaky people and, whatever shame it might be,I'm desperate about being noticed... In all possible positive ways. Kind words I hear in relation to what I make help me move forward.
P.S. Why can't I have the same with writing? I think it's because there are too many people who'll definitely call it crap whatever cool it might be. Either because of envy or to "keep you away from star sickness".